It's Not the End of the World
I've been thinking about what to do with this blog recently. It has been sitting here, on the cyber-web, idle for some time now. I originally made this blog as a way to update friends and family, so I guess that’s what I should continue to use it for.
I havent updated the last few months because I have been trying to lock down and compartmentalize my struggles. Pretend they don't exist and hope they go away, that’s what I always say! But we all know that doesn’t work. Staying locked away is starting to wear on me. I need to be able to share a little bit of what I am going through. Because this is real life. This isn’t Instagram and Snapchat filters anymore. This is raw, and real, and painful. This is honest. Anything else would be superficial.
Here it goes:
I’m getting divorced.
Im getting divorced.
7 years.
4 of them married.
3 states.
5 houses.
1 dog.
1 child.
Of course when I said “I do,” I believed it was forever. Like most married people I never wanted to end up here. I did everything I could to avoid ending up here.
But in the end; this is best.
This is the best for us.
This is the best for RJ.
It is incredibly sad, and incredibly painful. My days are still up and down. Some days I’m feeling strong and confident, other days are really hard.
I hurt for Red, as a child of divorce I know what its like to have your parents split. I also know what it’s like to be a child hurting in a family where the parents don’t respect each other. I know enough to know, that even though divorce is awful, and painful, and really just sucks, that sometimes its better than the alternative.
Two, divorced, happy, parents are better than two, married, unhappy ones. Success to me is not staying in an unhappy marriage-it’s staying in my own peace.
I know I will look back on this time of my life as being one of the hardest I have ever gone through. This year has been one hell of a rollercoaster. But yet, there are so many moments of happiness and joy. Of self-discovery and of relief.
I make time every-day to laugh and play with my son. He needs that from me, I need that too.
So, with humility, love, and trust I offer the following thoughts-
If I don't mention something-it’s not because I have forgotten. I am searching for the balance between honesty and tell-all. Transparency vs. responsibility. I owe my marriage and family that level of privacy. If you can, please refrain from assumptions and gossip about details I haven't provided. Thank-you for respecting our privacy, and giving us your love and support.
I find the name I assigned this blog funny: Rain’er Shine. It seems even more relevant now and quite frankly describes a mantra I have tried to live by my whole life. No matter how hard it’s raining, I’m
still going to shine. And for right now, we are taking things one day at a time.
