It's Not the End of the World

 

I've been thinking about what to do with this blog recently. It has been sitting here, on the cyber-web, idle for some time now. I originally made this blog as a way to update friends and family, so I guess that’s what I should continue to use it for.

I havent updated the last few months because I have been trying to lock down and compartmentalize my struggles. Pretend they don't exist and hope they go away, that’s what I always say! But we all know that doesn’t work. Staying locked away is starting to wear on me. I need to be able to share a little bit of what I am going through. Because this is real life. This isn’t Instagram and Snapchat filters anymore. This is raw, and real, and painful. This is honest. Anything else would be superficial. 

Here it goes:

I’m getting divorced. 

Im getting divorced. 

7 years. 
4 of them married. 
3 states. 
5 houses. 
1 dog. 
1 child. 

Of course when I said “I do,” I believed it was forever. Like most married people I never wanted to end up here. I did everything I could to avoid ending up here. 

But in the end; this is best. 
This is the best for us. 
This is the best for RJ. 

It is incredibly sad, and incredibly painful. My days are still up and down. Some days I’m feeling strong and confident, other days are really hard. 

I hurt for Red, as a child of divorce I know what its like to have your parents split. I also know what it’s like to be a child hurting in a family where the parents don’t respect each other. I know enough to know, that even though divorce is awful, and painful, and really just sucks, that sometimes its better than the alternative. 

Two, divorced, happy, parents are better than two, married, unhappy ones.  Success to me is not staying in an unhappy marriage-it’s staying in my own peace. 

I know I will look back on this time of my life as being one of the hardest I have ever gone through. This year has been one hell of a rollercoaster. But yet, there are so many moments of happiness and joy. Of self-discovery and of relief. 
I make time every-day to laugh and play with my son. He needs that from me, I need that too.

So, with humility, love, and trust I offer the following thoughts-
If I don't mention something-it’s not because I have forgotten. I am searching for the balance between honesty and tell-all. Transparency vs. responsibility. I owe my marriage and family that level of privacy. If you can, please refrain from assumptions and gossip about details I haven't provided. Thank-you for respecting our privacy, and giving us your love and support. 

I find the name I assigned this blog funny: Rain’er Shine. It seems even more relevant now and quite frankly describes a mantra I have tried to live by my whole life. No matter how hard it’s raining, I’m 
still going to shine. And for right now, we are taking things one day at a time. 
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8 Months


One month ago Redfeather turned 8 months old! Here is his 8 month updates!

*He officially has green eyes. One day we looked at him and realized the blue was gone. I was a little sad, but his green eyes are the cutest things ever! He's also starting to grow more hair! He's got these little hair wings that flip up over his ears and it's just adorable.

*Red does great with eating. He actually would never stop if I didn't take the food away. He loves trying to feed himself and use his fine motor skills. He does great picking little Cheerios up, its just finding his mouth that's the hard part. Red also learned to use a straw! I didn't know he could even suck on a straw until I had him in one hand and a 44 oz soda in the other. Before I knew it he had leaned over and taken the biggest gulp. Yikes! Bad mom alert!

*He is still the calmest, sweetest little boy. I don't know how we got to lucky to have such a chill, happy dude!

*RJ has graduated from army crawling to full on belly-off-the-floor-big-boy crawling. He is SO FAST. I cannot keep up. He is getting so much stronger when pulling up on things too;  the coffee table, the couch...the dog. Toby is so patient and just lets RJ tumble all over him. Red won't use his walker yet but he will take a few steps if Mom and Dad are holding his hands.

*He is still in 12 month clothing but I can see that coming to an end soon. I wish this little boy would stop growing so fast sometimes! I'm buying clothes and packing them away like a crazy lady!

*When Sequoyah gets home from work he will sit down with Red and play the guitar. Its the only time RJ ever sits still and just listens. This is my *golden hour* to shower alone, heaven.

*"Dada" all day every day. No "mama," yet. Sometimes he will do the sign for dog (panting) or say "Tatatatatata" for Toby.

*We have gotten back into the swing of things when it comes to sleeping. Two naps a day, each an hour long. He goes to bed at 6pm, wakes up at midnight for a diaper change and goes back to bed until 8am. WAHOO!

I can't begin to express how thankful I am for Redfeather. He is our everything! I'm so happy he's mine and we get to teach him everything! Love you baby Red, happy 8 month birthday (a month ago, haha!)
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I Can't Even Today

The culprits.
Let me start this off by saying that I have never been a very graceful person. I have taken more than my fair share of slips, falls and embarrassing moments. Today I figured; hey, why not share with the world one of those moments? So here we go friends, family and strangers alike; on a journey that can only be described as "I can't even today."

Transitioning from "working-mom" to "stay-at-home-mom" hasn't been very easy on me. I'm not really the domesticated type. I have been working on my wifey-mommy-homemaking skills and I think I am starting to get the hang of it. My goal for today was to finish the laundry, which if you are married to a clothing hoarder like I am, it is actually a great feat to be accomplished.

I recently purchased a brand new, shiny tub of liquid laundry detergent. When you become a stay-at-home-mom you become excited about weird things like new detergent. It's weird, I know. I picked this specific liquid detergent because you get the most loads/most liquid for the least amount of cost. Smart right? 255 oz. that's 170 loads of laundry! I patted my laundry-doing back for that one. I began my laundry adventure by placing my new tub of laundry detergent on our upstairs bathroom counter (this is where our washer and dryer is located by the way) and left the room to collect my first basket of dirty clothes. While wrestling the 8 month old out of the laundry basket, pulling the dirty sock out of his hands and away from his mouth, I heard an incredibly loud bang. Alas! My new, shiny laundry detergent had jumped to it's death onto my bathroom floor.


 Bummer right? Oh, just wait.

Toby, my 85 lb. Lab/Pit mix hears this loud bang and decides to investigate. He comes charging up the stairs and into the now detergent soaked bathroom to see what happened. Toby proceeds to walk through my perfectly circluar (if you noticed) mess of soap and track his bright blue paw prints all over the remaining tile and white carpet in our hallway. My attempts to catch this animal were futile as he now saw this as a game. I'm not going to say I didn't let out a few curse words as I played "catch me if you can" with this 85 lb. bafoon of a dog, because I did. I totally did.

By the time I had gotten Toby in the backyard and back up to the bathroom I needed to clean, Red the speed demon, had army crawled his way into the ever growing mess of laundry detergent. At this point, RJ decided to display all of his squirming tricks. He rolled, splashed and kicked through this blue monstrosity. He thought it was hilarious. I stripped the baby nekkid and placed his little white tush in the bathtub with toys. No water of course, just naked baby in an empty tub.


If any of you were wondering, it takes 2 entire rolls of paper towels to soak up 255 oz. of laundry detergent off your bathroom floor. This is something I hope you never have to figure out for yourself. I collected the sopping blue wads of paper towels in a Wal-Mart grocery bag that I could easily dispose of. If any of you were also wondering, laundry detergent dissolves the ink printed on the outside of grocery bags. I know this because I soon was smeared in yellow and black ink along with my bathroom counter and floor. That stupid smiley face on the Wal-Mart bag was mocking me.

As I stood up to venture for more paper towels, I quickly learned how slippery 170 loads of detergent will make tile. The answer is very very slippery; ask my tailbone. On the journey back down to the floor, which seemed to happen in slow motion, I released my grip on the overflowing grocery bag. This sent the bag full of 255 ounces of soap-soaked paper towel wads into the air. These blue soapy-death balls came hailing down upon my poor bruised self, sending blue detergent shrapnel everywhere. The bathroom is now re-detergentized along with my newly splattered self and baby.

Today, I just can't even. I have closed the door on the blue crime scene I created, to clean at a later time. I just can't handle the Smurf-murder-mess I have caused. Instead, I will put my pajamas back on and watch Mickey Mouse with my baby. Please don't ask me to do anything today because I just CANT. EVEN.
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7 Months


19 lbs. 13 oz. and 27'' long

Now that we are almost to his 8 month birthday I figured I should get on top of posting his 7th month update!

*At 7 months old Little Red has now been on 4 airplanes! We did quite a bit of traveling in January and he is an awesome flier! He gave big smiles to everyone on the plane, got his own pair of honorary wings and even helped serve passengers while being toted around by his favorite flight attendants.

*Solids are a huge thumbs up with Red. So much so that it is a daily struggle to get him to drink milk. All he wants is big boy food and whatever is on Mommy's plate. He has two little bottom teeth that he likes to munch on baby Cheetos with.

*Redfeather is absolutely the most joyful person in the whole world. His belly laughs are seriously the best!

*We have a crawler ladies and gents! Little Red army crawls all over the place now. It's hard for me to take my eyes off of him even just for a second. Off he goes!


*RJ is also beginning to pull-up onto things. This is exciting but also extremely scary. He had his very first "boo-boo." Red pulled himself up on a wall and didn't know how to get down. He chose face-dive as his best bet and went right into a vent covering. Pretty sure I cried more than he did. Sliced eyebrow and a black eye; no stitches though! Since then we have lowered the crib mattress and purchased quite a few baby gates!

*12 month clothing is Red's jam right now. I am so sad, we have so many adorable baby clothes that Red never got to wear because he grew way too fast.

*Little John loves to play the guitar with Daddy. He will bob his head and kick his feet when he hears a song he likes. He especially likes wiggling and dancing while sitting in the shopping cart at the grocery store.

*All day RJ is babbling and talking to himself. Whenever Shane is around Red gets really excited and says "DADADADADADA" over and over again. It's to die for! So far he only says "MMaaaaaaaaMMaaaaa!" when it's in-between cries.

*His sleeping schedule got a little messed up when we were traveling. But now that we are home I am able to get him back to sleeping better. He is still sleeping through the night, but naps have been a trouble.

Every day I watch him learn something new. It is so amazing to teach this little human and watch him learn from our examples. He's so bright and I am so incredibly lucky that he is ours! Love you little bug!
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6 Months



16 lbs. 3 oz. and 2 ft. 2 in.

*Who knew a mullet could be so cute.

*Red is adjusting really well to his new life here in Boise! Little Red in the yellow house!


*RJ is a great eater. He has learned to swallow and says "mmm" whenever he gets a spoonful of veggies. He has tried oatmeal, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, peas and carrots. Everything was a big thumbs up except for carrots. Those got spit right back out on my face.

*When he is awake he is always in the best spirits! Still a super happy baby!

*Little John loves wrestling with daddy, it's what makes him laugh the most. He also is super ticklish on his back and his neck.

*You guys, we are so close to CRAWLING. Already! I can't believe it. He has the arm and leg motions down. He just hasn't figured out how to do them both at the same time.

*He fits in clothes anywhere between 6 month and 12 month. He's a tall kid!

*Red used to babble and "talk" all the time. Nowadays it seems rare that he makes noise. When he does he loves screeching and blowing bubbles.

*He is a wonderful sleeper now! We do bedtime by 7pm at the latest and he wakes up at 10am! Sometimes he will wake up around 11pm for a diaper change, but that's it! I'm so proud of my little chicken nugget!


We celebrated Christmas with just us here in Boise. Red loved the Christmas lights and all of his presents.  It was so perfect! Happy birthday little buddy, here comes 2016!





*swaddle blanket by Modern Burlap (www.modernburlap.com)*
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5 Months


On Thanksgiving our little guy turned 5 months old! Where has the time gone?

We are in the middle of a move so I haven't gotten RJ to the doctor for a weigh in yet, but I will soon!

*We have hair growing back! It is growing people!

*We just barely got to Boise. It is a 5 hour car ride and Red did wonderful!

*"Mr. Lunch" (as Sequoyah calls him) eats about 3 times a day. He will have a bowl of oatmeal with around 5-6 oz. of milk for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sometimes he has milk snacks before nap time. Solids are going really well. He has finally learned to swallow correctly! Doesn't make meal time any less messy though!

*People always think we just happened to luckily "catch" photos of Red smiling. HA! It's hard to catch Red not smiling! He always has a big goofy grin on his face.

*Little chuckles every now and then, especially at reading time. Every time you turn the page Red thinks it's the funniest thing ever. I will have to video that one!

*Rolling over is a piece of cake! Redfeather has now graduated to SITTING UP. Alone. Can you believe it? He's such a big boy.

*9 month old clothes over here. I even put him in a 12 month the other day.

*RJ has only very recently been reaching out for me. It doesn't happen all the time, but every once and a while he will reach his arms up for me. And I die. (Melts into a mommy puddle on the floor)

*Sleep has been horrible pretty much since the day he was born. I feel like he just loves people and playing so much that he doesn't want to miss anything by going to sleep! However, I was sent a sleep method by my cousin (thank you thank you Whit) that has totally changed how we do night-night over here. Last night was the first night Red ever slept longer than 2 hours. He slept for 6. straight. hours. BOOYAH. (do people still say booyah?)

In the true Thanksgiving spirit, I am so thankful for my little family. I cannot wait to start holiday family traditions. We enjoyed a happy Thanksgiving with our little guy, now on to Christmas!
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Guess What!


We're Moving!

It's true, the Rainer family is packin' up and heading north to Boise, Idaho. Sequoyah's new job has an amazing opportunity up there for him. He has received a well-deserved promotion and now is working his "dream career." Best part about it, I get to stay at home with Red! I am a little sad to leave my Assistant position at The Loveland Living Planet Aquarium. It was home to me for the past 2 years and I met the most incredible people, but I am really excited for this next chapter in our family's life. We have our house up there waiting for us and we will both officially be up there November 7th. Stay tuned for a house/neighborhood tour, I can't wait to show everyone what's in store for us! Off to the next adventure we go!
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4 Months


Redfeather weighed in at 15.3 lbs at his 4 month Dr appt this month! I have no clue how long he is, mom fail.

*Bald spot keepin' it real.

*We celebrated Halloween this month with our families. Redfeather was a scuba diver for the family party and sported his penguin jacket almost everyday.

*Little Chunk is eating every 2 hours now (ugh) and has about 3 oz at every feeding. We have started him on some rice cereal mixed with milk and it has done wonders for his reflux.

*We have the smiliest baby in the whole world. We can't go anywhere without complete strangers stopping to talk with Little Red.

*Red is just now finding the muscles in his voice box to laugh. He will do a few chuckles whenever he hears the Itsy Bitsy Spider, his favorite song ever!

*The belly to back roll over is a piece of cake for our little rolly polly. The back to belly roll over is a little more tricky. He gets 3/4 of the way over and his chubby little arm gets in the way.

*Our 4 month old baby is in 6 month old clothing. He is SO TALL.

*RJ has been meticulously using his fingers recently. His little pinchers are always on the move.

*The 4 month sleep regression has made an appearance. Baby boy is up every 1-2 hours wanting to nurse back to sleep. (ugh!)

No matter how sleep deprived I am, this little boy has brought more joy into our lives than we could have ever imagined. He is my best friend! Happy 4 month birthday little guy!
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3 Months



Little Red is 3 months old now! He did not have a doctors appointment this month so I am unsure of his exact weight and height measurements, so I tried the best I could to get accurate stats on him.

13-ish lbs. 26-ish inches long.


*His hair is still sticking around! We do have a few balding spots. Sequoyah says, "he's not losing any hair...he's just growing more head!" We have mastered the come-over.

*Red's eyes are blue but I am starting to see flecks of green make their way in there. It's very possible we will have a green-eyed baby soon.

*Baby boy is eating every 3 hours (sometimes more often during the day). He will chug about 6 oz at every feeding. Champ.

*Still no laugh outta Red. He is SO close. We've tried everything but we're just met with a big goofy baby grin and no laughs! We can't wait to hear his little giggle!

*RJ can officially roll over now. He does not do it intentionally though. He kind of just gets excited during tummy time, tucks his arms in, loses balance and whoopsie-daisy! He always looks so confused- "whoa, how did I get here?"

*3-6 month clothing is our jam right now. When I look at the NB sizes it's hard to believe he ever fit in them! He's getting so big!

*Red gets better at holding onto his toys everyday. Every toy gets a death grip and a trip straight to his mouth.

*Toby tolerates Red, doesn't pay him too much mind. We did teach him a cute new trick to touch him paw to Red when asked "Toby, who is your best friend?" Red of course!

*Sleeping is still a slight struggle. He sleeps for 4 hour stretches at night and only wakes for food. During the day, he will take a nap every hour for 45 mins. 45 mins! That's it! Hoping Red learns some self-soothing techniques and gets some longer naps! He does sleep in his crib, which is really nice.

Redfeather is the sweetest, funnest baby. Sequoyah and I are just enamored with him! He is our pride and joy. Happy three months sweet boy!
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