I Can't Even Today
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| The culprits. |
Transitioning from "working-mom" to "stay-at-home-mom" hasn't been very easy on me. I'm not really the domesticated type. I have been working on my wifey-mommy-homemaking skills and I think I am starting to get the hang of it. My goal for today was to finish the laundry, which if you are married to a clothing hoarder like I am, it is actually a great feat to be accomplished.
I recently purchased a brand new, shiny tub of liquid laundry detergent. When you become a stay-at-home-mom you become excited about weird things like new detergent. It's weird, I know. I picked this specific liquid detergent because you get the most loads/most liquid for the least amount of cost. Smart right? 255 oz. that's 170 loads of laundry! I patted my laundry-doing back for that one. I began my laundry adventure by placing my new tub of laundry detergent on our upstairs bathroom counter (this is where our washer and dryer is located by the way) and left the room to collect my first basket of dirty clothes. While wrestling the 8 month old out of the laundry basket, pulling the dirty sock out of his hands and away from his mouth, I heard an incredibly loud bang. Alas! My new, shiny laundry detergent had jumped to it's death onto my bathroom floor.
Bummer right? Oh, just wait.
Toby, my 85 lb. Lab/Pit mix hears this loud bang and decides to investigate. He comes charging up the stairs and into the now detergent soaked bathroom to see what happened. Toby proceeds to walk through my perfectly circluar (if you noticed) mess of soap and track his bright blue paw prints all over the remaining tile and white carpet in our hallway. My attempts to catch this animal were futile as he now saw this as a game. I'm not going to say I didn't let out a few curse words as I played "catch me if you can" with this 85 lb. bafoon of a dog, because I did. I totally did.
By the time I had gotten Toby in the backyard and back up to the bathroom I needed to clean, Red the speed demon, had army crawled his way into the ever growing mess of laundry detergent. At this point, RJ decided to display all of his squirming tricks. He rolled, splashed and kicked through this blue monstrosity. He thought it was hilarious. I stripped the baby nekkid and placed his little white tush in the bathtub with toys. No water of course, just naked baby in an empty tub.
If any of you were wondering, it takes 2 entire rolls of paper towels to soak up 255 oz. of laundry detergent off your bathroom floor. This is something I hope you never have to figure out for yourself. I collected the sopping blue wads of paper towels in a Wal-Mart grocery bag that I could easily dispose of. If any of you were also wondering, laundry detergent dissolves the ink printed on the outside of grocery bags. I know this because I soon was smeared in yellow and black ink along with my bathroom counter and floor. That stupid smiley face on the Wal-Mart bag was mocking me.
As I stood up to venture for more paper towels, I quickly learned how slippery 170 loads of detergent will make tile. The answer is very very slippery; ask my tailbone. On the journey back down to the floor, which seemed to happen in slow motion, I released my grip on the overflowing grocery bag. This sent the bag full of 255 ounces of soap-soaked paper towel wads into the air. These blue soapy-death balls came hailing down upon my poor bruised self, sending blue detergent shrapnel everywhere. The bathroom is now re-detergentized along with my newly splattered self and baby.
Today, I just can't even. I have closed the door on the blue crime scene I created, to clean at a later time. I just can't handle the Smurf-murder-mess I have caused. Instead, I will put my pajamas back on and watch Mickey Mouse with my baby. Please don't ask me to do anything today because I just CANT. EVEN.
