Heartbeats
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| Disclaimer: This ultrasound is Baby at 10 weeks. We are now at 14. |
My name was called and I followed the nurse back to the scale so nervous and scared. I had been feeling off the last few days, like maybe something wasn't right. My family and friends had been telling me to not worry and to think positive; but once you get that little seedling of worry, it's not long before its grown into a huge anxiety attack. By the time I was sitting in the exam room, I was internally freaking out.
This very talkative nurse tried making conversation with me about my job and how much she loves the aquarium; I tried to smile and act normal but my stomach was doing flips. She eventually said; "we can wait for the doctor to try and find the baby's heartbeat, or I can try and do it right now? I'm really good, I promise! I've never not been able to find a heartbeat on a handheld doppler." Wanting to make sure everything was okay with Baby Rainer as fast as possible; I hopped up on the paper covered table and lifted my shirt ready to take the gooey blue jelly.
The nurse's face furrowed; and her loud, talkative demeanor quickly turned to concerned "hmm's" and "huhh's." She searched and searched but no heartbeat. My stomach dropped while the nurse very swiftly wiped off my belly, excused herself to get the doctor and left the room. It took everything in me not to burst into tears. For the next 30 minutes Shane and I sat quietly preparing for the worst, just in case.
After what seemed like forever, my kind doctor walked in the room with a huge smile. He asked Shane about his music and remembered we had a dog. It was nice to hear something familiar and comforting. I again laid down and hoped for the best. Two seconds later we heard the quick, strong heartbeat of our baby. Doctor England winked at me and let me know everything was normal, strong and beating at 170 beats per minute. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could finally listen for a few minutes to the tiny human growing inside me.
Dr. E. moved the doppler around a little bit to get a better reading. He found a good spot, turned to me and said "that's both heartbeats! yours, and baby's." For a minute; time didn't really stop, but seemed to move slower. I could hear my baby's heartbeat and my own, beating together. What a crazy thing that was to me! For that moment, I heard how in sync we were. It hit me how responsible I am for this life. Life! Life inside ME! How am I being trusted with this tiny heartbeat? It is my job to keep it beating. In that moment, we were beating together. Our heartbeats kept between us.
After that, I didn't really care about the nurse who scared me half to death or the goopy blue jelly or the worries I had walked in there with; I cared that my baby was okay. And everything was okay, and is okay!
We set a follow up appointment for February 3rd where we will get to see if Baby Rainer is a boy or girl! We can't wait!
